Forgive and Forget?
by Zaya
Summary: Ritsuka has been acting strange. When Soubi goes to check on him, he finds that Ritsuka has locked himself away from view. What could be causing the sacrifice to act so strangely?


After months of having this idea locked away in my mind, I have finally forced it out into the world and given it physical form. It was more difficult than you'd think.

Disclaimer: I do not own Loveless.

Rating: T for implied sexual acts.

Characters: Ritsuka and Soubi

–♥

"Ristuka, it's me. Call me when you get this." With a click, Soubi closed the phone, returning it to his coat pocket. After leaving three messages, the notion that his efforts to reach the sacrifice were futile came upon him and he gave up on the phone. Now he realized why Ritsuka was so angered when Soubi didn't answer his calls.

He hadn't seen the boy for quite some time and had been looking for an excuse, anyway. For some strange reason, every time he would visit with only 'I missed you' for explanation, Ristuka became upset. It seemed the man needed a life threatening purpose for visits.

The only reason he was even so concerned was that earlier that day, Yuiko had called him asking if Ritsuka was alright. When Soubi asked what she was talking about, she informed him that Ritsuka had never come to school. "I tried to call him earlier," she said, "but he wouldn't answer his phone."

Thus, Soubi began calling Ritsuka, hanging up and trying again when h received only the voice mail. Eventually, he left a message. Then another. Then one last message before he began making his way toward the teen's house, worry causing his feet to move with more speed than usual.

'Four years later and we still haven't made any progress,' he thought with a sigh. And it was true: a few months over four years had passed since Soubi had made his first appearance and still he was no closer to claiming the other's heart. His own, however, had long ago been taken captive by the cat-eared boy.

After climbing quickly up to the balcony, Soubi took a moment to pull the leaves from his hair and coat. Really, you'd think a ladder would have been installed to make this simpler for him but no. Everything had to be difficult.

The curtains had been pulled over the glass doors, securing privacy. Not even a small gap was left to give Soubi a view inside. Was Ristuka that sick? Should he really be visiting at this time? He shook his head. That good-for-nothing mother of his would do nothing and someone had to care for the teen. Softly, he knocked on the glass.

No answer came. Not even a 'go away I'm sick'. He tried again with the same results. This troubled him even more, so he tried the door. It was open. Maybe he was expected? Hesitantly, he stepped through the dark curtains.

The first thing his mind processed was the darkness; there wasn't a glimmer of light anywhere once the cloth had swung back into place over the window. Stranger still, Ritsuka was nowhere to be seen. It was evident he had jumped out of bed swiftly, leaving the covers to fold down in a mess, most unlike the young sacrifice. Upon further inspection, Soubi noted that the bathroom door was closed. He guessed that Ritsuka had taken refuge there, possibly because he was feeling nauseous. Soubi stepped toward the door.

"Ritsuka? Are you alright?" he asked, testing the knob. It was locked.

" Go away!" The demand was high-pitched, anxious. Soubi stepped back, surprised at the anger in it.

"Are you sick? Should I call a doctor?" Worry had completely taken over, his hand pulling out his phone and dialing the number for the hospital.

"I'm not sick! Now leave! I don't want to see you!" The door shook as something, Soubi presumed it to be something glass from the shatters that followed, hit the door. Concern etched into his face, he pulled back. "Fine," he said, defeated. This sort of behavior in Ritsuka was common, but not to this magnitude. At this degree, it was, to the say the least, unsettling. Lately, Ritsuka had begun to drop the facade and allow Soubi to see him as a real person, as himself. But now, that was all gone. The old walls had been raised once again, and, it seemed, they were stronger than before. "I'll come back tomorrow to check on you."

"No!" The response came a little too quickly and with far too much nervous tension for Soubi to ignore it. Ritsuka's voice sounded strained, as if holding back tears. He tapped on the door softly.

"Please, just let me in. I want to know what's wrong." This didn't have any effect, so he tried another tactic: "Yuiko and Yayoi are also troubled by your behavior. They're your friends; you should let them know if you're okay at least."

There was only silence for a few minutes. Then, a soft plead, "Just leave. I don't want you to see me like this."

Soubi blinked, surprised by this new information. Really, he had seen Ritsuka sick before. What was so horrible about this time? He voiced this thought, and received a low growl in reply.

"Why won't you just leave already? I already ordered you to! Now go!" Another something was pitched at the door and the fighter retreated to the door.

"I'll check on you later, Ritsuka," he said, placing his hand on the door.

"LEAVE!"

The door closed.

–♥

The sound of the balcony door sliding shut pushed a wave of relief over Ritsuka. With a shaking hand, he used the counter to pull himself up from the cold tile. Now standing, he bit his lip. Screaming at Soubi like that had torn him up, but he couldn't stay in the bathroom forever. And letting the older male see him like this... that would only shred both of their hearts to pieces.

Slowly, his hand rose to his head. For a few seconds, it roamed through his hair, meeting no obstacles like it used to. He shuddered. Having his ears gone felt strange, like part of him was missing. Everyone had told him that it felt great when you finally lost them, but he didn't feel any sort of 'great'. Only lousy.

Before opening the door, he looked to his right, at the towel that hung over his mirror. After they had fallen off, he had hung that up, so he wouldn't have to look at what he'd done. The knowledge of his act was enough torment. His mind wandered to the previous night.

It had been a party. Yuiko had dragged him there, literally. Going by any other means was not something he was about to do.

There had been alcohol. And drugs. But those didn't matter. Not to him, anyway. What he had planned on was to wait until the pink-haired girl had found something other than him to occupy her attention then quietly slip out, maybe go see Soubi since his mother was under the impression that he was staying the night at a friend's house.

Unfortunately, that didn't work out.

Yuiko was taking too long to find another friend, so he allowed himself a drink. Or two. Or three. Maybe even four. He wasn't too certain on the events that occured post-drink number three.

Until the next morning, which was when he woke up in the house where the party had taken place in bed... with a raging headache and a girl in bed next to him, her lack of clothing leaving her completely exposed.

That's when he really grasped the preceding events.

The fact that he had no ears and no tail were also big clues.

So after getting home, he locked himself in his room, letting his mother believe he was at school and everyone else to imagine up some illness or another that he could have contracted over night.

What to do next was a problem.

He couldn't just go to school. Yuiko would want to know everything: who she was, where's she from, what about Soubi. And really, Ritsuka was just as clueless as she would be about all of these. But the one that disturbed him the most was 'what about Soubi?'

A solution had yet to be thought up when said man had knocked at his door. At that moment, locking himself in the bathroom had seemed like a good thing to do, so he did.

But now what?

With a sigh, he turned the door knob of his bathroom. Maybe he would think better after getting something to eat. His mom had left a while ago to go to the grocery store; he could stock up while she was gone.

As he pulled open the door, another problem arose.

He could literally feel his heart crack at the look of betrayal that clouded Soubi's face.

"Ritsuka... your ears..." he whispered.

That's when Ritsuka's heart shattered.

–♥

Someone else...

Someone else took them...

Someone else took _his_ Ritsuka's ears...

No, not his Ritsuka. Looking at the earless boy, Soubi finally came to terms with what had been all along: Ritsuka had never been his, and never would be. It had been wishful thinking on his part, something out of his dreams. But the boy had never wanted to be his.

All this time, he had known this, he had just refused to accept it as the reality.

"Ritsuka... your ears..." It was all he could muster at the moment. Nothing else would come. Not even the questions he so desperately wanted to ask: "Why? Why wasn't I good enough? What did I do wrong? What did this person do that I didn't?"

"Soubi..." The boy spoke his name in a low, hushed tone. After a moment, he spoke again: "I thought you left."

'I thought you left'? That was all he could say? Soubi couldn't look away from the empty spot above the sacrifice's head. He wasn't sure if it was because he couldn't, or if he just didn't want to have to face whatever emotions were being played across the other's face. Maybe, it was a mixture of the two.

Ritsuka stepped forward; Soubi's eyes followed. "Please. I didn't mean to. I was at a party and... I didn't even know her..." So a stranger meant more to the boy than his fighter? The man who had been with him for four years, who loved him with all his being, was less in Ritsuka's eyes than a girl he'd never met? This thought only made the hurt increase ten fold.

When Soubi felt a hand on his arm, he recoiled, as if burned. The familiar feeling of wanting to cry, but not being able to overcame him as he stepped back again. He allowed himself a quick glanced at Ritsuka's eyes, and saw so much in those violet orbs: regret, despair, self-hate, denial.

Soubi was sure that his own reflected similar feelings.

"I didn't mean to, Soubi. I'm sorry." A single tear coursed down Ritsuka's face as he said this, and he collapsed in a heap on the floor. Soubi watched this with a passive face, not wanting to give away the turmoil that was raging in side of him. Should he forgive Ritsuka? It was, after all, something he said that had been done inadvertently. Yet, something inside of him was telling him that he shouldn't go the way of 'forgive and forget', but rather leave this all and let Ritsuka face his mistake.

Instead of waiting to settle things, Soubi turned away, and stepped through the doorway. Behind him, a choked gasp emitted from Ritsuka, but he didn't look back. What he did do was close the door behind him, and waited on the balcony for Ritsuka to come after him.

He never came.

Climbing over the railing, Soubi allowed himself one last look at the window. The curtains had fallen to the side slightly, just enough for him to see Ritsuka, on the floor, hugging his knees, and shaking. With sobs? It was hard to tell; Ritsuka's face was buried in his arms. Soubi looked away, and jumped from the balcony to the ground below.

Forgive and forget? Not likely.

–♥

08/08/07


End file.
